As 2009 has come to an end, I am faced with the realization that another year has sped by at an alarming rate. There have been many things accomplished and many highs and low. Many joys and some unexpected sorrows...

But, in the midst of all of the activities, duties, experiences and the stuff that consumed 2009...Ive caught myself wondering about all of the things that I didn't do!

How many times did I say out loud or think to myself, someday I will...

How many ideas were never shared...
How many thank you's went un-said...
How many letters/notes went unwritten...
How many meals were never shared...
How many words of encouragement were never spoken...
How many difficult conversations never happened...

I could go on with the list...

As I look back at 2009 I wonder how many times "someday" worked its way into my life and conversations...

Today we begin a new year, and we all have a chance to start over...This year I want to remove "someday" from my vocabulary.

May your 2010 be filled with adventure following God...Grace/mercy flowing through you from God...and may the word "someday" be removed from our conversations!

What’s the deal with guys?

Recent research warns of the chronic underachieving, emotionally drifting, and irresponsible “Guyland” of male adolescence. But most of us in youth ministry don’t need research to tell us that there are new challenges inherent in working with boys.

Youth pastor and blogger Jeremy Zach recently voiced an ache many of us feel when it comes to the guys under our care:

Talking to a high school male about spiritual stuff is like basically talking to a wall… And trying to motivate a high school guy to pursue righteousness is a tough, tough task.1

Clearly something isn’t connecting for guys in many of our ministries. How can we as youth workers better equip ourselves and parents to face the current realities of boys and help them engage God and others? Given that we’re also each raising a son, this is a question we wrestle with every day.
Excuses and Fears

Much of our culture’s collective anxiety about adolescent guys is caught up in various excuses and fears. Excuses like “boys will be boys” or “it’s a guy thing” have become cultural blankets to cover all sorts of irresponsible and destructive behaviors from young boyhood through adulthood.

Meanwhile we’re overwhelmed by the fears that arise from the behaviors that prompt these excuses in the first place: boys are emotionally closed off, spend too much time playing video games and hanging out online, are too sex-obsessed, lack motivation, and often drift into adulthood with little direction.

More than a few of these fears are valid, but we struggle to find reliable lenses through which to interpret what’s going on with guys. We should say up front that not every boy is the same (thank goodness!) and not every boy lives by the excuses and fears we describe below. But these research trends are worth taking time to understand and respond to, for the sake of the guys—and the girls—in our ministries.
Guyland: The Secret Underworld

According to sociologist and gender studies expert Michael Kimmel, young men ages 16-26 live in a secret world of Guyland that resembles an uncertain holding tank.2 His interviews with over 400 guys led Kimmel to conclude:

Guyland is the world in which young men live. It is both a stage of life, a liminal undefined time span between adolescence and adulthood that can often stretch for a decade or more, and a place, or rather, a bunch of places where guys gather to be guys with each other, unhassled by the demands of parents, girlfriends, jobs, kids, and the other nuisances of adult life.3

Similar to the research of our Fuller Seminary colleague Chap Clark,4 most of the guys in Kimmel’s study believe that they are completely on their own to chart a path through Guyland. By the time they hit high school, they can’t trust their parents or other adults—and most feel like they can’t trust each other either. This is in large part because of the “Guy Code,” learned in boyhood and expanded in adolescence.

The number one rule in the Guy Code is, you guessed it, “Boys don’t cry.” Kimmel observes, “Masculinity is largely a ‘homosocial’ experience: performed for, and judged by, other men.”5 And it’s driven by homophobia—defined in Guyland code as the fear that others might think you’re gay. “That’s so gay” is one of the most common put-down guys use in high school, and it can refer to anything—something you say, wear, or do. So guys spend a lot of their energy attempting to prove (primarily to other guys) that they aren’t gay, that they are masculine enough to warrant independence in the “real man’s” territory. In other words, while many maintain that our version of masculinity is simply hardwired by biology, few account for the way the masculine code is “coerced and policed relentlessly by other guys.”6

High school has become the boot camp for Guyland, raising the stakes for the “boys don’t cry” code they have already learned and making the consequences for breaking it more severe. “How do I measure up?” is the daily question boys ask in the face of the guy code, and most guys we know feel like they fall short every day. Breaking the dependence on that code starts with working on rule number one. Boys are taught that they’re acting like girls—in overtly cruel as well as implicit ways—any time they express emotions, but also even when they feel them. As a culture, we leave boys isolated and detached, essentially numb to any kind of emotion. “Be tough. Shut up and take it. Don’t be a sissy.”

In fact, there’s some evidence that although boys express emotions less, they feel them more intensely, at least physiologically in measures of perspiration and heart rate.7 Far beyond the biology of guys and emotions, the truth is that masculinity is multilayered and multifaceted, and to force a masculine profile into one specific box—whatever the box—is to deny part of the beauty of God’s creation of maleness (and femaleness, for that matter).

This denial of feelings also manifests itself in an anti-woman sentiment that runs as an undercurrent through Guyland. The objectification and degradation of women is pervasive in the ways guys talk to one another, use and share pornography, and of course treat women. So as they follow the Guy Code, guys not only fail to relate to themselves and one another, but also young women, with any authenticity.
Escaping Guyland

Those of us who feel called to help guys experience all God intends can take heart. Just as research helps us understand the pull of Guyland, it can also give us some tips for helping guys find an escape.
Fostering Emotional Resilience

Kimmel suggests that one of the antidotes to perpetual Guyland is encouraging emotional resilience in guys—the development of an ethical and emotional core that helps guys bounce back in the face of adversity.8 From his research, there are at least four factors resilient guys share:

1. At least one adult who made a difference, who believed in them and invested in them.

2. Parents—mothers and fathers both—are critically important, even to late adolescent males, to stay connected and help usher them into manhood.

3. A passion or interest area in which he can develop a competence. This is even better if it broadens his set of social connections beyond high school.

4. Real, enduring friends. Guys need at least one other guy to balance the opinion of the crowd and reduce the isolation inherent in the guy experience. Further, nurturing female friendships cuts down on the objectification of women because guys learn to relate to real girls. Either way, one genuine friendship can be enough to make a real difference for guys who are really struggling through adolescence.
Redefining Manhood: Just Guys

Having spent over 25 years studying and working with boys, psychologist Michael Gurian poses the question, “What is the purpose of boys?” The answer from our culture seems to be, “We don’t know.”9 No wonder, then, that adolescent boys seem to lack a sense of direction. One of Gurian’s key insights in his book The Purpose of Boys is that boys often need to be led to purpose before they can lead themselves or others in purposeful ways. They need communities of purpose around them to help them develop a purpose as boys—and as men.

Men, for better or worse, will define manhood to our boys. And if men aren’t around to define, model, and usher boys into manhood, other boys will do it on their (and our) behalf. Boys initiating boys into manhood (fraternities and sports team hazing offers plenty of ripe examples here) plunge males deeper into the abyss of Guyland.

Together with dads and other men in our church, we as both male and female youth workers can create meaningful rituals that help answer the question, “What does it mean to be a man?” One all-boys’ school in Maryland defines this through a five-week service trip each year to the Dominican Republic, during which time the boys learn to work hard and live simply, all for the sake of others. The answer to the question about purpose becomes “using your strength in the service of others.”10 Giving all we have to serve others doesn’t sound like an all-American definition of manhood, but it does sound an awful lot like the Bible.

On that journey, we can help guys learn to speak out against injustice in their own communities and around the world. As Kimmel concludes, “Guys who are ‘just guys’ can become just guys—guys who are capable of acting ethically, of doing the right thing, of standing up against the centripetal pull of Guyland…They can actually become men.”11 The perpetuation of the worst behaviors is fed by our own silence and our inability to help guys speak out. Instead, we can help them see God’s heart for the oppressed and set them free to advocate and act on behalf of others.

A big key is to get boys connected with older generations. If mentors aren’t jumping out of the shadows to nurture adolescent boys, go hunting for them. Explore opportunities for guys to serve the senior men’s group at your church in some way, or to volunteer at a local nursing home. Find fathers whose sons have left home, and invite them to join another boy on his journey.
Leading Forward: Alternative Paths

Below are a few more ideas for inviting guys to crawl out of the darkness of Guyland and engage each other, girls, adults, and God in new ways:

* If you’re a guy yourself, model a countercultural reality for guys. If you’re still in the under-30 crowd, find ways to live out a Guyland alternative. If you’re over 30, and especially if you’re a dad of an adolescent guy, consider your own actions, words, and choices and the ways they feed into or react against the “Guy Code” script. What are your true passions, and do the young men in your life know about them and see them lived out?

* Both male and female youth workers can give guys outlets for expressing emotion and then talk about it together. Sports are one place—and currently just about the only acceptable place—for guys to express emotions. Guys come alive emotionally in sports, and feel more free to feel and show joy, sorrow, pain, even tears. Tap into that reality by going to games together or playing sports together, and let these become teaching moments as you debrief the experiences, talking about the emotions elicited by sports.

* Help guys build a moral compass that will actually lead them somewhere beyond Guyland. Foster a vision for integrity that values the image of God in others—both girls and guys.

* Stop the gay jokes and comments in your youth ministry. Seriously. Any time we participate, laugh, or fail to speak or act in response, we approve of the code that cripples guys from showing any genuine emotion or sensitivity. Your theological position on homosexuality itself is actually irrelevant here, because as Kimmel observes, the term “gay” refers to anything “not guy” enough.12 Talk with groups of guys about phrases like “That’s so gay” or “You’re such a fag” and ask them questions about what they’re really thinking—or fearing—when they make those statements. Chances are good you’ll have to start with your adult ministry team first on this one.

* Help parents understand that guys desperately need them—moms AND dads—to stay connected and involved throughout the “guy” phase, and give parents tools to keep communication channels open.

* Advocate for and with parents in local school systems for anti-bullying and anti-hazing policies that help diffuse some of the more violent behaviors that guys carry out against one another in Guyland.

* Encourage parents to engage boys in finding a way to care for someone or something else every day—a grandparent, a pet, a neighbor—to help build compassion and a sense of purposefulness as boys learn to channel their power for the good of others.

* Help boys discover something beyond themselves to live for, to fight for, to serve. Channel these purposeful desires into seeking justice for the oppressed and poverty-stricken. Raise their awareness of world concerns like AIDS orphans or child slavery, and give them tangible ways to engage in both global and local care for others. Help them experience the joy and sense of purpose that comes from being “just guys”.

ACTION POINTS

* When you think of or hear the phrase, “Boys will be boys,” what comes to mind? What’s encouraging about that? What’s disturbing? How is your perspective challenged by the insights in this article?

* How have our youth ministries fed into and perpetuated the “Guyland” mentality? Read this article with your team, then make two lists together of the ways your youth ministry both contributes to guy stereotypes and builds an alternative reality for guys and girls. Most likely you’ll find items on both lists you’d like to respond to as a team.

* Pick one or two of the “alternative paths” listed above to focus on for the next two months, creating an action plan for how you will implement that path. Then evaluate how your team is doing on addressing guy culture and discipling the boys in your midst, and perhaps choose another change to implement in your ministry with guys.

1. Read more of the dialogue on Jeremy’s blog from June 2009: http://www.smalltownyouthpastor.com/2009/06/youth-ministry-male-mentorship/ [↩]
2. Michael Kimmel, Guyland: The Perilous World Where Boys Become Men (San Francisco: Harper, 2008). [↩]
3. Michael Kimmel, Guyland, 4. [↩]
4. See Chap Clark, Hurt: Inside the World of Today’s Teenagers (Grand Rapids: Baker Academic, 2004). [↩]
5. Michael Kimmel, Guyland, 47. [↩]
6. Michael Kimmel, Guyland, 51. [↩]
7. Dan Kindlon and Michael Thompson, Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys(New York: Ballantine Books, 1999), 10-11. [↩]
8. Michael Kimmel, Guyland, 270ff. [↩]
9. Michael Gurian, The Purpose of Boys: Helping Our Sons Find Meaning, Significance, and Direction in Their Lives (San Francisco: Jossey-Bass, 2009), 4. [↩]
10. Leonard Sax, Boys Adrift: The Five Factors Driving the Growing Epidemic of Unmotivated Boys and Underachieving Young Men (New York: Basic Books, 2007), 181. [↩]
11. Michael Kimmel, Guyland, 267. [↩]
12. Michael Kimmel, Guyland, 77. [↩]

©2009 Fuller Youth Institute

Family Experience: Create a Rhythm
A Better Story
By Tim Walker

I’ve been reading a book called A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. It’s by one of my favorite writers, Donald Miller. I like it, but this is not a review or a recommendation. I only mention this to make sure you realize that what I am about to say is not my original idea. It’s from the book. In fact, what I am about to say pretty much sums up the theme of the book. The theme is story.

In the book, Miller talks about this concept of story and how we are all living a story. He talks about how his life had gotten mundane, and how even when opportunities to live a different story and improve his own came up, he would often let them pass by. Then one day, he felt like God was telling him to search for his dad, whom he hadn’t seen in years. And this time, instead of ignoring the prospect, he decided to do something about it. He actually tracked his dad down and had an awkward, but good encounter. Following that, he had the opportunity to go to Peru and hike the mountains. And he did it. Then he took a bike ride across the country. He decided to start eating better and exercising more, not for the sake of vanity, but because those were the things he needed to do in order to accomplish the things he wanted to do. He began to realize if he wanted his story to turn out differently, he would have to make intentional changes.

It may seem that Miller, who is in his mid-thirties, is merely taking care of himself or increasing his self-discipline. It’s the kind of thing you hear from someone who publishes one of those diet books or writes a self-help book or shares their story on Oprah. If Don were a little bit older, say my age at 41, some people might even say he’s simply having a midlife crisis.

But there was something more going on there. And after having read Don’s book, there’s something about this idea of story that I can’t seem to shake. I don’t know about you, but my life is, well, routine. Predictable. Maybe even a little monotonous. There are things that I “do” and “don’t do.” For example, every Thursday night I watch “my shows.” I eat the same cereal every morning. I go to bed at the same time every night and get up at the same time every morning. And there are times when I feel like I’ve created some really deep ruts in my life. You know what ruts are, don’t you? Well-worn paths, almost like ditches that you get stuck in. And occasionally, when I allow myself to really think about it, there are times when I feel like my comfort, my desires and my expectations have motivated me to settle for a lesser, smaller story. And the result or lack of result shows up in my everyday life.

It shows up in the ways I interact with my wife. It shows up in the ways I interact with my kids. I’m willing to just live out a very small, very boring story because it all feels very safe just the way it is. And before I know it, the hours and the days seem to fly by. The time between when I get home from work and when I go to bed always seems like a blur. Today feels like yesterday, which feels like the day before, which feels like the day before that.

But what if you and I could be a part of something bigger? What if, instead of letting our stories solely be about who needs to go where and when, what’s for dinner or is my shirt clean, we lived our lives with the intent of becoming part of God’s story? A story that may involve drama, action, tears, even tension.

What if, when we have a little extra cash—a rare thing these days, I know—we don't try to figure out how to make our lives more comfortable, but instead look for a way to use that money and, as a family, work together to make someone else’s life a little better?

What if we reach out to someone who doesn't have a family of his or her own? What if we have that person over for dinner once or twice a month?

What if I find ways to show my sons that life is less about them and more about being a part of what God is doing in the world? What if I give them experiences to help them live out the truths from the Bible?

If I do those things, I would begin to live out the story I want both for my family and for me. I would be making the story I want my boys to be a part of a reality instead of just hoping they arrive someplace “good” someday—as adult children who love God and love others. My life would have more intent, more purpose.


And working towards participating in this kind of story begins with one thing, one action, one step. I don’t need a life makeover. I just need to make some different choices—some choices that reflect the kind of story I want to be a part of. I need to actually do some things instead of just thinking about them. What is one thing in my life that I can change to make my story more interesting, more significant? It may not be hiking in Peru or biking across the country, it may a lot less complicated and start a lot closer to home. But the improvement to my story does have to start somewhere. And right now, it starts here.

I know this isn’t going to be easy. I also know that I may not do this very well. I may have this on my to-do list for a while before I actually do something. But I also know that time is passing by way too quickly, and as much as I hate to admit it, days go by without any distinction. There’s nothing memorable about a week or a month or even a year. And that isn’t the kind of story I want to stay in.

What about you?

This Christmas, as we remember a story that is so amazing, so wonderful and so mind-blowing, we are going to challenge your child to think of the story not just as a history, or even a great story, but as something that has meaning and significance to us today. It’s a story that is still going on.

And it’s a story that plays out in your life and mine. We are given the choice to join in the story. We are given the chance to be part of what God is doing.

So today, wrestle with this question: What can I do to be a part of a better story, God’s story? And how can I lead my family to be a part of it as well?

© 2009 The reThink Group, Inc. All rights reserved.

The Christmas story is more than just one we respond to individually, it’s one we participate in—and we’re not talking bathrobes and kids in sheep costumes. The participation the Christmas story calls for is more earth shaking than a quiet stable and a clear sky with a bright star. This story shook the way the world operates when it started to unfold thousands of years ago. But it has the potential to do the same thing today when we become an active part of it. What would our world look like if we became a part of the vision God has for the world—a vision revealed with the birth of His Son, and rests on us now?

Bottom Line: The Christmas story is a one that we participate in.

Scripture References: Luke 1:35, 38, 46-55

Series Overview

A manger. A baby. Shepherds. Stars. The Christmas story is one we look at with great reverence. The peaceful scene is recreated and plastered on everything from phone backgrounds to lawn decorations. But the Christmas story is more than a just a story we look back on and remember. It’s ongoing. It’s active. It’s a story that required a response over 2,000 years ago, and one that requires a response today. It’s a story that invites us to participate in it even today—because the Christmas story is the never ending-story.

On Sunday we talked about being thankful in Jr. High. We read the story of the 10 lepers from the book of Luke and talked about how/why the one leper came back and thanked Jesus...

Ultimately, the conversation ended with this thought...All of them were probably very thankful, but only one showed it with his actions!

I asked the students how have you shown the people in your life that you are thankful...?

How have you shown God that you are thankful...?

I gave the student a chance to make a simple meal for someone in need, and many of them did...Jordan one of the students shared what she and her family did with the sack meal she made and I wanted to share her story with you! May it encourage and convict you at how much a simple act of love can make a huge difference.

Hey pastor Dan.....I already gave out my sack lunch to a homeless man. He was very happy and thankful. As soon as we drove away we saw him inhaling the sandwich. I feel really good that there is one less hungry person in the world today. My family and I are going to figure out ways we can show people that God loves them too.



Way to go Jordan!

Bottom Line: We are tempted to pursue the right thing the wrong way.

Temptation doesn’t always have to be about doing something bad. In fact, sometimes it’s not the end result that’s not necessarily a bad thing, but how we plan to get there. It’s the shortcut, the path, the compromise. And in this fight, this struggle with temptation, sometimes the punches we throw and the ones thrown at us are simply about pursuing the right things but in the wrong way.

Bottom Line: We are tempted to believe we know how God works and how we think we can work Him.

In the boxing world, sometimes things aren’t always what they seem. Sometimes the winner is known before anyone walks into the ring. Sometimes the outcome is pre-determined by a person who has manipulated things behind the scene. Sometimes a fighter takes a dive. Sometimes a boxer throws the fight. And if each one of us were completely honest, sometimes we try to work things as well in our fight with temptation. And who or what we are manipulating isn’t the temptation, it’s God.

Scripture References: Matthew 4:5-7; Psalm 91:12; Exodus 17:2-3

Question for the week: Are you cooperating with God or are you manipulating him?

Bottom Line: Every time you’re tempted, your confidence in God is at stake, not just your self-control.

When facing temptation, it seems like it’s always about the choice, the decision, the temptation. But it’s always about more than that. It’s not just your reputation or your innocence that’s at stake—it’s your confidence in God. The lure of temptation makes us question whether we can really trust God to come through for us, to be there for us, to provide for us. We begin to think He’s not in our corner, that He’s not looking out for us. But what if we began to see Him there? What if we realized that whatever is luring us away really has nothing to do with what we think it’s about, and there’s a deeper issue, a trust issue, at work? It might completely weaken the pull of that temptation, and it might help us get to the heart of what is really going on.

Scripture References: Matthew 4:1-4; Deuteronomy 8:3, 11-14,17

When you stop trusting, you stop obeying. And when you stop obeying, eventually you stop believing.

I read this article this morning, it was to good not to share with you. This is a great follow up to our Doubt series we just finished!


Posted by Jud Wilhite:

Remember “Where’s Waldo?” He is a funny looking character with his hat and striped shirt.

Martin Handford is an illustrator who created Waldo, as John Ortberg writes in “God is Closer Than You Think.” He wanted to draw scenes of crowds and as an afterthought the Waldo idea grew where kids had to find Waldo in the crowd. Over 40 million Waldo books have been sold in 28 countries. Waldo is right there on every page, but sometimes you have to look for him, and sometimes you look right at him and don’t realize it.

There are times when we suffer and feel like we are playing a spiritual “Where’s Waldo” game. We keep looking for God, but don’t see Him. We wonder: “Why is it when I pray I don’t always sense God is answering?” “Why do I not always feel his presence in my life? Am I doing something wrong?” “Why is this happening to me?”

Sometimes we look and look and we can’t seem to find God in our trials and we don’t understand. But as you turn to the Bible you see that God is there, on every page of our lives as well. He is there, even in the pain and the hurt and the difficulty. When we can’t make sense of it, when we are looking for God like Waldo and we can’t see him, James says to ask for wisdom.

James 1:5 (NIV): If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.

In the sport of boxing, the main event is the big fight, the moment where everything is on the line. But for most of us, we are oblivious to the truth that in every temptation we face, there’s a lot at stake as well. When face to face with temptation, the choice feels insignificant sometimes. There are times when it feels like no one will notice, or it’s not really a big deal. But in looking at the temptations Jesus faced, we realize just how much is at stake—not only in His life, with the temptations that were before Him—but in our lives as well, with the ones we face every day.

Bottom Line: In every single temptation you face, there is always more at risk than you think.

THE BATTLE WITHIN

Each one of us faces a battle within, a battle that may go unseen by those around, but inside there is major brawl. It’s a battle with temptation. And depending on the temptation and its hold on your life, it may be a battle that seems impossible to win. In this series, We will take a look at the temptations Jesus faced in the desert, and identifies the driving forces behind the temptations we all face every day. Because once you realize what the pull is behind the temptation, you can find the confidence to follow Jesus’ example and respond as He did.

This weekend I had the pleasure of attending The Revolve Tour with 25 of DC’s JHi and HS girls, moms and leaders. The Revolve Tour is a dynamic conference filled with speakers, drama and music just for junior high and high school girls. This year’s theme “4 Real” allowed us to focus on who God is for real and the real us, as He sees us, as He created us.

In our world image is everything. The faces on magazine covers, on TV and in movies have been stretched, tweaked, touched up, re-colored, you name it, just to make them “perfect”. Even the people whose images we see in the media can’t live up to the standards they themselves set.

God made each of us uniquely beautiful, in His image. Who are we to mess with that? This weekend at Revolve we had the chance to see that God loves us just the way we are, after all, He’s the one that gave us our hair, our noses, our hips, or even made us a little “fluffy” as Yvette Nicole Brown put it. If God loves us just as we are, there is no reason we cannot love ourselves just as we are. The way I see it, that’s just another way we can honor Him.

I know this conference deeply impacted each and every one of us in a unique and personal way. I also know that many bonds were formed or strengthened over discussion, charades, chocolate covered pretzels and in a cold arena huddled under blankets.

My hope is that the lessons and the bonds that we took away from Revolve deepen and thrive.

When we look in the mirror I hope we will all see what God has fearfully and wonderfully made, unique and beautiful.

Cassie Fowble

This is the first in a series of posts about the Revolve tour this year.

I read a great article on forgiveness this morning. I thought I would pass it along to you!

I had an awkward moment several years ago on our staff retreat. Our female children’s minister forgot to lock the bathroom door and I caught her sitting on the toilet. You should have heard her scream. But that wasn’t the most awkward moment. The real awkwardness came during one of our team discussions. I made a statement that came out the wrong way and was not well received by our lead pastor. Nothing was said about it at the time, but it evidently struck a nerve.

A few months later when discussing a related topic with him, my comment made back at the retreat came up. I was floored. I had no idea that my words had been so offensive. Ironically, the whole situation created anger and resentment in me: I was mad at him for being mad at me. Eventually, we talked things through and made amends, but the experience left me with a different perspective on forgiveness. I had seen the other side of forgiveness.


Unresolved conflict festers. Like a wound without treatment, it doesn’t heal properly. When hurt, anger, or resentment comes creeping into our relationships, we must deal with it quickly. Colossians 3:13 says, “Bear with one another, and if one has a complaint against another, forgive each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.”


Lingering bitterness not only damages our horizontal relationships, it hinders our relationship with God. That’s why it is so important to handle conflict with grace. In the same way that God is quick to forgive us, so we should be quick to forgive others.


As ministers, we work so closely with people that it is impossible not to experience a few rough edges. Conflict can arise with other staff, volunteers, parents, and even students. Sometimes we’ll be the ones who do the hurting, and other times we’ll be on the receiving end. Whatever the situation, be the first one to make a move.

Seek reconciliation.

Be a peacemaker.

And humbly live the forgiveness we have received from Christ.

Bottom Line: Faith grows when you learn how to view doubt through both what you know and what you’ve been through.

So what do you do when a doubt is too big? How do you handle a doubt that you just can’t seem to move past? You look back. You draw on the things you do know, the things that God has shown you. The things you have learned about Him in the past, both through information and experience. And you hang on to those things you do know, even when you’re left with questions about the things you don’t.

Scripture:
Psalms 13:1-2 & 5-6
Psalms 71:16-17

Once we are able to see what God has done and is doing through both our experience and our knowledge, we are better equipped to manage the doubt.

You know those nagging questions that seem to linger in the back of your mind? The ones you hesitate to ever speak out loud, admit you have, or let anyone else know you think? Questions like: “Does God hear me when I pray?” “Does He have a plan for my life?” “Does God really have everything under control?” Questions and doubts can be unsettling if they are left unsaid. We begin to think we are alone in our doubts, and often our doubts only grow until they paralyze our faith. But when we learn to admit our doubts openly, we learn that we are not the only ones—that everyone deals with it. And when we learn to live with doubt in a healthy way, doubt can be a tool that strengthens our faith.

Raise your hand if you’ve ever doubted God. Everyone got their hands up? That’s because it’s human nature to doubt. It’s just in us to ask questions and to reevaluate. A lot of times doubt gets a bad wrap because of its ability to make us negative, and because we think once we start to entertain it our entire system of belief will collapse. But doubt, in and of itself, is not a bad thing. When used in the proper way, doubt helps us formulate an authentic and personal faith. That’s why it’s important to learn to express our doubts to others and to deal with them in the context of Christian community, so that God can work with our doubts to help strengthen our faith.

It’s easy to think that God’s kingdom is just about Him and us. It’s easy to forget that we are part of something bigger, something more vast that just our relationship with Him. We are part of His kingdom both someday, and now. We are a part of His mission to restore things that are broken, whether that’s in our own lives or in the lives of those around us, or those half way around the world. And when we live with a future kingdom in mind we can start to make it a more present reality.

Bottom Line: The kingdom of God is not only something we experience and hope for someday; it is something we participate in now.

Parents we watched this video on Sunday. It was the end of our "Upside Down" series about the kingdom of God. We ended the series by asking this question. If we have been invited to join God in His Kingdom...then in what small and large ways are you participating?

Last will be first. Give to receive. Lose to gain. People who mourn are blessed. All statements Jesus made, yet they seem so opposite from how our world functions and even how we are wired, don’t they? But the kingdom of God is upside down compared to the kingdoms we seek to establish.

The life Christ calls us to counters every natural and selfish inclination we have, but His way, His kingdom, is far better than anything we could have in mind. And when we surrender to God’s kingdom, we begin to live this upside down life that somehow brings more fulfillment, more peace, more satisfaction than the reality we live in every day.


Bottom Line: Living in God’s kingdom means living in an upside down world.
Scripture References: Matthew 5:1-10

What Kids Saw at The 2009 MTV Video Music Awards
An article from Jonathan McKee at TheSource4YM.com



Kanye bringing Taylor Swift to tears, Lady Gaga thanking God and gays, Jack Black leading the audience in a prayer to Satan, Russell Brand going on and on about what sexual acts he'd like to perform with who... nothing surprising. Welcome to the MTV Video Music Awards (The VMAs), the biggest pop culture phenomenon of the year.

No one knows what the MTV VMAs will deliver

No one knows what the MTV VMAs will deliver. Ever since Madonna's passionate onstage kiss with Brittany in 2003, and Janet Jackson's "wardrobe malfunction" in the MTV sponsored SuperBowl halftime show in 2004, audiences have readily braced themselves for what MTV has in store for us next. Sadly, not much would shock our desensitized audiences any more. It's hard to believe that MTV could stuff anything more vile or degrading up their corporate sleeves.

Ever since Madonna's passionate onstage kiss with Brittany in 2003, and Janet Jackson's "wardrobe malfunction" in the MTV sponsored SuperBowl halftime show in 2004, audiences have readily braced themselves for what MTV has in store for us next. Sadly, not much would shock our desensitized audiences any more. It's hard to believe that MTV could stuff anything more vile or degrading up their corporate sleeves.

Teen audiences gathered by the millions to watch the show live Sunday night, September 13th. Those that missed the show and heard the buzz at school Monday morning, popped onto the internet on their phones and computers where MTV.com provides the entire show at the click of a button. The MTV VMA's have never been so accessible to this generation of young people.

What Kids Saw
The night began on a touching note as Madonna paid tribute to the life of Michael Jackson. Madonna confessed that when she found out that Michael died, all she could think about was, "I had abandoned him. That we had abandoned him. That we had allowed this magnificent creature that once set the world on fire to somehow slip through the cracks. While he was trying to build a family and rebuild his career, we were all busy passing judgment. Most of us had turned our backs on him."

The audience was hanging on every word Madonna spoke. She ended her speech saying, "I want to end this on a positive note and say that my sons age 9 and 4 are obsessed with Michael Jackson. There's a whole lot of crotch grabbing and moon-walking going on in my house." Her final words were, "Yes, Michael Jackson was a human being. But damn it, he was a king. Long live the king."

Modonna exited stage left and the show digressed.

Katy Perry sang Queen's We Will Rock You as British comedian Russell Brand entered the stage to MC for the evening. As Russell thanked her, she lifted her leg and grabbed her crotch. I'm still not sure why, but in all honesty, I've stopped asking.

After a few serious comments about Michael Jackson, Russell descended to the only kind of comedy he knows, perverted attempts at humor. After announcing that last year he learned that he could say anything and "get away with it," he quickly turned his attention to the bizarre musician Lady Gaga.

"There's been a lot of mudslinging and rumor mongering and rubbish, people saying that she's a hermaphrodite. I think it's a disgrace that a woman cannot be successful, sexy and have an aggressive sexuality without people saying, 'Oh, she must be a bloke.' That is sexist. And I would like to condemn the male-dominated media for their disgusting treatment of this incredible woman. And if you haven't worked it out by now, yeah, I'm trying to f--- her."

That final word was censored. Unfortunately the guy manning the censor board didn't find it necessary to bleep his next line when he said, "and if I do pull her leotard to one side and find a little something a little extra there, I'll just make it stiff and hang me hat on it."

We shouldn't be surprised by his topics of conversation, nor his verbalized sexual ambitions. After all, he sang about them in this pre-show ad released by MTV a few weeks ago to promote the upcoming awards show.

This article would become blocked by most explicit content blockers if I repeated most of what Russell said. Let's just say that he ended comparing himself to Harry Potter, but grabbing his crotch and saying, "my sack of magic and wand are tucked up in these delicious trousers where they will stay til the end of the evening, you have my word as an English gentleman." The rest of the evening was filled with banter about sexual exploits, the anatomy of women, and any other low hanging fruit he could get his hands on.

Kanye West, no newbie to tirades, found a new low at the show, interrupting Taylor Swift's acceptance speech for Best Female Video. Taking the mic from her, Kanye said, "Yo Taylor, I'm really happy for you, I'm gonna let you finish, but Beyonce had one of the best videos of all time!" He unnecessarily repeated himself for emphasis. "One of the best videos of all time!" Boos starting echoing throughout the room, Taylor standing there with a horrified look on her face, and Beyonce looking confused and slightly flattered. Taylor didn't get to finish her speech. She was escorted off the stage where she burst into tears.

I was so disgusted with Kanye's selfish outburst, that I was caught off guard by the next moment, Jack Black's feeble attempt at humor. Black, giving a tribute to metal music, mused, "Since we're giving a rock award tonight, who wants to pray to the Devil with me?" He instructed the audience to grab the hand of the person next to them and then prayed, "Dear Dark Lord Satan..." The crowd was interesting, chuckling at first, but then caught in an awkward silence, seemingly not knowing how to react.

Lady Gaga, highly anticipated because of her bizarre persona and fashion sense, sang her song Paparazi, wearing a bizarre outfit that looked like a mix between a showgirl costume and one of Paris Hilton's bathing suits. The performance showed a little creativity, and a little too much Gaga, ending with her smearing fake blood over her body and face.

A little later on in the show, the bizarre Lady Gaga graced the stage once again, this time wearing a red scarf over her face, to collect her award as Best New Artist. Her first mummified words: "It's my first CENSORED Moonman!" I guess this censored word is one of her favorite adjectives because just a few seconds later she said, "This is for my CENSORED fans!" She continued. "You're the best fans in the whole world and I love you. And it's for God and for the gays!"

Hmmmmm.

A few artists weren't available to claim their awards that evening. Even though Britney had a previously recorded acceptance speech ready, they didn't have one for T.I. (I guess MTV couldn't get access to the cell block at the Federal Corrections Institution in Arkansas that's currently holding him for felony gun convictions.)

Beyonce got her chance to perform as well on the show. Nothing new. Revealing outfits, and hip thrusts that would have made Elvis blush. Beyonce always has me torn. She seems like such a nice person, but then she lowers herself, selling out to be this sexual nymph as the industry so demands. It's sad really. Beyonce obviously is so much more than a sex object.

And if the blatant explicit content of the show wasn't enough, the gaps in the show were filled with interesting subtleties. For example, LL Cool J's commercial for Direct TV's NFL Sunday Ticket, where his opening words were, "Sunday's not a day of rest gentlemen, it's a day for football."

All the while, kids watch attentively... taking the whole thing in, even more than they realize.

What Kids Learned
Millions of our kids watched the show. The question is, what messages are they absorbing from this?


1. Fame, status and money are what matters.
Watch just a few minutes of the show and you'll see what our society values. Who is getting the most Twitter tweets? What dress are you wearing? Jay Z is in the house-look at the car he pulled up in and look at him walk with all his body guards!

Character? Selflessness? Honor? Self control? Where are these things? Jesus' Beatitudes are no where to be found here. They are extinct in this world that is beamed to our kids electronically. The character traits our kids are learning are the polar opposite of Biblical teaching. The role models our kids are choosing aren't role models at all.


2. Sexual equals successful
Pop Quiz: Name a female artist at the awards that wasn't wearing revealing clothes or flaunting her sexuality in words or dance.

Hmmmmm. That's a tough one.

Let's be honest. Sex sells. Think of the artists performing and the videos that won that night. Britney's Womanizer (the video that begins with her nude in a sauna), Beyonce with her low red dress, Pink's "pink heart," and Lady Gaga with her little outfits. Taylor Swift was the only female performer who really stood out as slightly modest that evening.

The big question is, will artists like Taylor resist the pressure to "bare more." Or, will she venture down the road that Miley is on where the dresses and dances keep getting more revealing as the years in show biz take their toll.


3. Keep it real... do what you feel
After Kanye dishonored Taylor Swift, stealing her moment, he blogged with a weak apology. After his apology to Taylor, he wrote, "I'm sorry to my friends at MTV. I will apologize to Taylor 2mrw. Welcome to the real world!!!! Everybody wanna booooo me but I'm a fan of real pop culture!!!" He went on, "...I'm not crazy y'all, i'm just real."

Just yesterday I taught a parent conference and talked about how this generation uses the world "real." Our kids say, "I'm just keeping it real." "Hey teacher, you're ugly. I'm just keeping it real."

Perhaps our kids are learning that "keeping it real" is a license to do what you want and say whatever you feel, regardless of the feelings of others.

Rap artist spout explicit lyrics with vile messages. Their defense? They are artists who are just representing real life.

Funny, years ago I interviewed Brotha Marquis from the 80's explicit rap band 2LiveCrew and asked him about that very issue. I asked, "Most of us sat and watched you on TV standing before the supreme court saying, 'We're just sharing our point of view and we have a right to express our opinion.' Just like rap artists always claim, 'We're just depicting a true glimpse of life in the hood.' And I've always wondered... what do these artists think when they go to bed at night? Did you really think you were just expressing an innocent point of view? Or did you know inside that it was wrong and . . .

Marquis interrupted me. "I KNEW it was wrong. Although back then I hardly ever went to bed at night."


4. How low can you go?
Talent seems to be taking second chair to "shock value." Lady Gaga can definitely sing. But let's not leave that to chance in this contest. Instead, she'll let blood pour out of her costume and she'll smear it all over her face for the shock value. It's clearly evident what the world values. Just read what the press deems "The Top 10 Memorable VMA Moments" from the last decades. Shocking is good. Risqué is celebrated. Gross-out is not only acceptable, it's welcomed.


It's hard for me to believe that parents allow their kids to watch this show. Maybe many of them are unaware of the messages besieging their kids.

As parents, we need to be aware of what are kids are putting in their heads. More importantly, we need to open the channels of communication so we can talk with our kids about these influences because they will hear about them even if they aren't allowed in the home. (I provide some advice to parents about how to talk to your kids about this kind of content at the end of this recent blog.)

A 180 Turn
As much as the show turned my stomach, a glimmer of light stood out in the final moments.

The much coveted "Video of The Year" was announced, awarded to Beyonce, for the same video that Kanye ranted about an hour prior. Beyonce showed a moment of class as she received the award, not thanking anyone or even spending any time on herself. She just said, "I remember being 17 years old up for my first MTV award with Destiny's Child and it was one of the most exciting moments in my life. So I'd like for Taylor to come out and have her moment." Then she invited Taylor Swift to come out on stage and finish her acceptance speech. Beyonce gave Taylor her entire time.

When we’re talking about our lives, most of us wouldn’t think in terms of “kingdoms.” But the reality is that each one of us has one. We have some area of our lives where we rule and reign. A kingdom may be as vast as a school, team or group. Or it may be as small as your bedroom or your cell phone. There’s a place in your life where you are in complete control and really don’t care what anyone else thinks or wants. The problem is, when we live with only our kingdom in mind we often end up doing a lot more damage than good. But in Christ’s kingdom, His desire is for restoration and as difficult as it can sometimes be to allow His kingdom to reign, there is only room for one kingdom and one king.

Kids are dying for encouragement! Why do parents, teachers and coaches withhold it so much? It's gold when given away.

"Not all those who wander are lost." -J.R.R. Tolkein

Any thoughts...?

Discovery Parents, You're Invited...

To Join your Jr. high or High School student at Discover Church's student ministries open house.

Come and experience your student's world and see how they learn about God, Faith and Values.

Jr. High Open House:
Sunday, Sept 13th 2009
Doors open at 11:30

High School open House:
Wednesday, Sept. 16 2009
Doors open at 7:00pm

So, by now just about everybody is back to school...I have a challenge for all the parents.

Have you taken the time to let your students know your expectations for them this school year? Do they know because you told them or do you think they know because they just "should know"?

Parents, do you know what your expectations are for your child this school year?

My challenge for you is this, figure out what your expectations are for your child...(be realistic)
then, create a special time where you can share with your child/children what your expectations are for them this school year.

I think this will lay the ground work for great conversations, success, encouragement and dialogue later on in the school year, if everyone starts out on the same page!

Here is a video from our jhigh summer kick off!

I am excited about Sr. High "canvas" this week. We will be talking about "back to school" issues. It has been a fun week hearing from different people about there high school journey, and what they would say to the high school students if they got a chance...

I think it is going to be a great night...don't miss it!

I can't believe my little girl is two years old today! Where has the time gone? I always heard my grandparents say that time really flies the older you get...but I never really understood what they meant.

Now that I have two daughters I am starting to understand...It seams like yesterday I was standing in a hospital room anxiously awaiting Isabellas' arrival...not knowing what to expect and unable to comprehend how my life was going to change forever.

She is non-stop motion/energy/talking/questions/adventures/will (she get her will from her mom)

She is the cutest red head I know, she stole my heart the moment we met! Every time I blink she changes...time is really flying by!

I want to soak up every moment...every tear...every giggle...every question...every book to read...ball to roll...every dance...every swing and every slide...

Life goes by way to fast and is filled with to many meaningless things to occupy our time!

Isabella Alyse McSwain...I love you so much and I hope you enjoy today and all of year number two...I'm going to cherish every moment!

Love Daddy! xoxo

School starts back this week in Simi Valley. I was wondering who was excited about going back and who was dreading going back to school.

For me, it was both...I did not enjoy school but I was ready for it to start again every summer because of my friends, activities and routine it brought back into my life.

How about you?

What has helped you grow closer to God:
Study, ritual, prayer...or something else? We want to see your answers!

We would love to hear about your summer! Did you go on any trips? Did you leave California? Did you leave the country? Big or small we would love to hear about your summer adventures!

Sorry for not blogging for a while...we switched host companies and it has been a headache. For over a month we have been wrestling between two companies for who is responsible (in the wrong) and why we cant use our URL.

Any way...we are back...updates to come soon!

pd

Would you like to know how and when you'll die?

Bottom Line: The regrets of yesterday can be redeemed for tomorrow.

Nothing is more instructive than past regret. We may not always know what we should do, but we don’t want to do—whatever we did—again. We feel miserable. It is hard to imagine feeling anything but miserable. But would you believe that it is possible to not only quit being that way, but to actually take the remorse from the past and use it as a tool to better your future? Do you believe that even your greatest regret can be redeemed, that your biggest mistake offers promise to your life and the lives of others? Living a life of regret does not have to be the end of the story.

Scripture:
“Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life” (1 Timothy 1:15-16 NIV).

What life experience has strengthened you the most?

Bottom Line Week 2: Freedom begins when we name our regrets.

Are you haunted? No, we’re not talking Hollywood B-movie, ghosts around the corner haunted. Are you haunted by the regrets of your past? Do the things you should have done or not done seem to show up where you least expect them? The first step to moving away from the ghosts of our past choices is to name our regrets—to dig down deep beyond our individual choices and discover “why.” What were our real motives? What was really causing us sorrow? Who have we hurt? Part of the process of working through our mistakes is learning to put words to our regret.

Scripture for this weeks lesson:
2 Samuel 11-12:10
Psalm 51:1-9

Bottom Line: Yesterday’s regrets affect today.
Scripture References: Genesis 37:32-33; 42:21

Our past can make us laugh and it can make us cry. Almost nothing has the power to disrupt our present like past regret. As we begin this series on regret, we want students to begin to think about regret in a conceptual way. What is it? How does it affect our lives? How do we tend to respond to it?


You may want to also challenge your students to read the story of Joseph. Many of them may have never read the story for themselves and it’s a great story for students who may be timid with Bible reading. Joseph’s entire story can be found in Genesis 37-50.

Hume Lake, San Diego is a fun place to be.
It’s a church camp so I focus on God not just me.
We still have an awesome time under the sun,
Hanging out with your friends is total fun.

Before we go to the beach,
We hear the preacher preach.
The rec time is a blast.
Too bad things go by too fast.

Clatter, clatter the kids walk.
“Hey, what’s up”, the kids talk.
Packing up my fifty ton bag
The end of camp is such a drag.

Cody Jones
5.08

The older I get, the more my list of “if onlys” grows. I turn 40 this year, and there are all kinds of situations I wish I’d handled differently. There are choices I wish I’d made another way. There are conversations I wish I would or wouldn’t have had. There are some relationships that I wish I would have pursued more and others I wish I had avoided. There are things I wish I would have tried and others I wish I hadn’t.

But most of my regrets come in the area of parenting. There are so many times I walk away from a situation and think, “I wish I would have handled that differently.” And because of my perfectionist nature, I start thinking about what a bad dad I am and how much better other parents are. Why can’t I be like them? Why can’t I handle everything well?

The reality is that there is so much emotion mixed up with parenting, isn’t there? The stakes seem so high. I want to make sure my three boys navigate their way through life with less scars and fewer regrets than their dad. And when it comes to disciplining their behavior, it feels like I have to “nip it in the bud” because I’m always thinking about the worst-case scenario.

Just the other day, my oldest son was lying around playing video games. His room was a mess, and the trashcan in the kitchen needed to be emptied. And in my head, I didn’t think, “Help him learn the consequences of these decisions.” Instead, I thought, “Oh my gosh, if I don’t do something about this now, this kid is going to be a total slacker who can’t take care of himself. He’ll be living in my basement when he’s 40!” I know, it’s a little extreme. Like I said, the stakes are high and I want him to succeed in life. The problem is, I don’t always go about helping him do that in the best way, and I regret it later.

I want to be better at being a dad. I want to help my sons grow up into men of character. The reality I have come to terms with—because it stares me in the face every day—is that I’m not going to get this right every time. As a parent, I’m going to mess up. I’m going to handle things poorly sometimes. Hopefully those will be the times my kids look back on and make fun of me, and not the ones they bring up in a therapy session.

But for me, I can’t just stop at naming my regret. So when I overreact to something stupid, or don’t address something I should have, I try to learn from the “if only” moments. I try to make a different choice the next time something happens. I try to take a step back and look at the actual situation instead of the one I fear.

Now, I know I’ll mess up again. I probably will have a repeat of this “if only” just because I’m a slow learner. But hopefully at some point, the “If onlys” will start to decrease. I’m never going to get it right all of the time, but hopefully I’ll start getting it right most of the time. I’ll always have regrets—it’s just how I’m wired. But when it comes to my kids, I want to have the “if onlys” less and just enjoy the process, even when I’m not at my best.

What’s your “if only”? Every one of us has one, two or a hundred different scenarios in which we would do or say something differently. That e-mail we wish we wouldn’t have sent. That relationship that we should have avoided—or never began. We all have things we would do differently if given the chance. So if life inevitably brings “if only” moments, how do we handle the regrets that haunt us? How can we keep the mistakes we made yesterday from messing up today and tomorrow?

So, what is one of your "if only" moments?

What's the difference between being religious and being spiritual?

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” Sounds too good to be true, doesn’t it? But God has told us that when something causes us to pray again and again—with persistence—He notices. And sometimes, our persistence and our determination is enough to move the heart of God. The hard part is usually holding out hope long enough to keep asking.

Scripture for the week: Luke 11:1-10

When the disciples asked Jesus to teach them how to pray, why do you think Jesus responded by telling a story about how frustrating prayer can be?

How does Jesus’ story about the friend in the middle of the night and the widow with the judge affect the way you view God? How does it motivate you to be persistent in your requests?

“Suppose one of you has a friend, and he goes to him at midnight and says, ‘Friend, lend me three loaves of bread, because a friend of mine on a journey has come to me and I have nothing to set before him’” (Luke 11:5-6 NIV).

“Then the one inside answers, ‘Don’t bother me. The door is already locked, and my children are with me in bed. I can’t get up and give you anything’” (Luke 11:7 NIV).

“I tell you, though he will not get up and give him the bread because he is his friend, yet because of the man’s boldness he will get up and give him as much as he needs” (Luke 11:8 NIV).

“So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you: seek and you will find: knick and the door will be opened to you” (Luke 11:9 NIV).

“For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks the door will be opened” (Luke 11:10 NIV).

Do you have any thoughts?
What jumps out to you in these passages that might be important for students to hear/know?

I think my message will include this thought: "God is not bothered by your persistence. Sometimes He is moved by it."

It is official, I have crossed over into the abyss of technology. You can now follow my every move (almost) at http://twitter.com/dmacswain

In 1990 MC Hammer released the album...Please Hammer Don't hurt'em, which contained the song "U can't touch this" and went on to become the number one best selling rap album in history...

Now you know!

What were you doing/listening to in 1990?

would you make any changes if you found out there is a heaven and a hell?

Matt. 6:5-13

Review last week:

Don’t be like the hypocrites
But go into your room

This week:

Don’t be like the pagans…babbling with lots of words

Because your father knows what you need before you ask…
You don’t have to come to him…because he knows you come to him because of who he is and the relationship…
In that relationship…comes understanding about his answers…
Yes…no…or nothing/silence

Our father in heaven hallowed be your name…
We acknowledge who he is and his greatness…
We spend less on us and more time recognizing who he is…

Your kingdom come…
The purpose of prayer is to bring our will into alignment with Gods will…

Give us today or daily bread
Acknowledge your dependence on him…I need you every day…

Forgive us our debts…
I need your grace and mercy father….
I can’t withhold grace and mercy because I didn’t deserve it when you gave it to me…

Lead us not into temptation…deliver us from the Evil one…
Accept his guidance God
Trust his protection...

Conclusion…
Declare his greatness
Surrender your will
Acknowledge your dependance
Accept his grace and mercy
Give grace and mercy
Accept his guidance
Trust his protection

If we spend time with God intentionally, if we make time for Him, then what do we say to Him when we get alone with Him? What are the things we talk about? After all, He knows everything about us, our lives and our world. It’s not like we have any “news.” It’s not like we have to give Him an update on how things are going. So what do we talk about? In the Lord’s Prayer, Jesus focuses on three things, and leads us through a process that will not only change our perspective about what is going on around us, but also our perception of God.

does confession help people change?

WHY I TAKE MY SON TO YOUTH GROUP
By Tim Walker

It’s funny how much I knew about parenting before I became one. I had all these absolute statements and strong ideas about what I would and wouldn’t do—usually based on how I felt my parents handled something or based on something I observed around me. “I’ll never let my kids pitch a fit in the store.” “I’ll never tell my kids, ‘Because I said so.’”

I knew so much—until I brought my son home from the hospital. Then I realized how little I knew. And it doesn’t get any better. Each new stage, each year, brings new challenges. Just when I think I have things figured out, some new surprise comes along. Now I look at new dads and have empathy instead of criticism.

I also have a new perspective on how my parents handled things, and realize that while they didn’t handle every situation perfectly, I’m certainly not capable of perfection either. There are too many factors that go into seeing a situation so clearly—my own history, my fears, my mood, plus my wife’s history, mood, and fears.

So at this point in the journey, with a middle school student in my house, I can honestly say I don’t know everything about being a dad. But I do know one thing—I can’t do this alone.

I can sense it every day. I can see my son looking for some other figure in his life, in addition to his dad and mom. I can feel him wanting to be a part of the grown-up world, and have other adults in his life who can connect with him. Cooler adults. Adults who can throw the football better than me. Adults who like the same teams he does.

And as much as I think I can be all that for my son, the reality is I can’t. I need other people. I’m not stepping down from my job. I’m still here as a dad, but I need other people who will pour good things into him. I need other people who will reinforce some of the things I’ve tried to teach him about God, about character, about being a man.

That’s what youth group is for me. It’s that place where my son can connect with other teens, but also other adults. I don’t expect my 20-something student pastor to give me parenting advice. In fact, honestly, I would be a little insulted if he did. When he becomes a parent and has teenagers, then we’ll talk. But the thing the people in that room get that I struggle with is how to connect with my changing son. That’s what they are passionate about. And quite honestly, that’s what they are good at. Whether it’s through playing a silly game or having a time of worship, they are passionately pursuing ways to connect with kids like my son.

That’s why I drop him off at youth group. That’s why I pay the $10 for an outing, or sign the permission form, or become the carpool for his friends. Because I know I can’t do it alone. I also know that I have a role to play here. I’m still dad, but to help my son move to adulthood, I need other adults pouring into him as well.

I don’t have this parenting thing figured out. And I have a feeling it’s a constant learning process. But one thing I do know is that my son needs me, but he also needs more than me. And that’s a good and natural thing. I just need to find a good place where he can find that.

So when he comes home covered in oatmeal after eating it out of a trough as part of some kind of crazy middle school game, I know that oatmeal is more than just something I have to clean up, it’s part of him finding connection to some very good things.

Have you ever noticed how relationships seem to drift apart when we don’t get to spend time together? There’s just something significant that happens when we intentionally carve out time to connect with a friend or a family member. We get to hear what’s on their minds and hearts. We get to see the person beyond just what he or she can do for us, and see who he or she really is. That’s the heart of prayer—it’s our chance to connect with God in a way that goes beyond “Help me, bless me, protect, give to me.”

Today was an amazingly beautiful day! Did anyone do anything fun with there family? Is there anything/place your family goes/does on days like today?

Doesn’t it seem like there should be more to prayer than just our typical “Help me, bless me, protect me, give to me” prayers?

Prayer has to be more than just talking to God—because He knows our thoughts, right? It has to be more than just us making our requests known to God—because doesn’t He already know everything that’s going on in our lives?

It’s like there’s some secret, some mystery we hope to unlock so we can “get through” to God. If we could just say the right words, maybe we can break the code and get a “yes” to all our requests. But what if prayer was something much bigger than that? What if prayer went beyond us getting what we wanted, and became about how to grow closer to God’s heart instead?

What if prayer wasn’t just about changing our present situation, what if it was about changing us?

Parents...You will want to be sitting down when you read this!

The University of Texas School of Public Health recently discovered that middle school sex happens more often than most think. According to their study:

• 1/3 of students experienced precoital touching behaviors
  >> 43% of these students experienced sexual intercourse
• 12% of students experienced vaginal sex by age 12
• 7.9% of students experienced oral sex by age 12
• 6.5% of students experienced anal sex by age 12
• 4% of students experienced all three types of sex by age 12

Among sexually active middle school students:

• 1/3 experienced vaginal or anal sex without a condom within the past three months
• 1/4 had four or more partners

Obviously, this trend is alarming morally. But researcher Christine Markham also states:

These findings are alarming because youth who start having sex before age 14 are much more likely to have multiple lifetime sexual partners, use alcohol or drugs before sex and have unprotected sex, all of which puts them at greater risk for getting a sexually transmitted disease or becoming pregnant.

I think middle school ministry is usually too soft. It is a difficult age to teach because some students are still years away from puberty while others are already beginning to experiment with sex, drugs, alcohol, and porn. Children’s ministers don’t like to touch taboo topics, but when 1 in 3 students are feeling each other up, how can they afford not to?

It takes tact, grace, and wisdom to discuss these things with students without offending or embarrassing them or their parents. It is challenging but worth it. It is much easier for a middle school minister to teach a preventive message than it is for a high school minister to rewire students’ established bad habits.

Two questions for you.

1. Are you talking to your kids about SEX?

2. Why not?

If you would like to get text updates and reminders about youth group activities, I have just the thing for you. Discovery Student Ministries (DSM) is trying out a new way to stay in contact with you and remind you of important activities coming up.

If you want updates and reminders about Jr. High text: dsmvision to 41411

If you want updates and reminders about Sr. High text: dsmcanvas to 41411

So, sign up today...and stay up to date and informed about everything going on in DSM!

Who do you consider to be your spiritual mentors?

Summer camp is one of the highlights of my childhood. It was a priority of my parents to make sure that I made it there every summer. To this day I still look back at my summers at Woodland Lakes Christian Camp, as some of the best times of my life.

We are so blessed at Discovery Church to be able to go to Hume Lake every Summer. It is one of the premier Christian camps in the country. We go to there beach camp in San Diego, on the campus of Point Loma Nazarene University. It is an amazing week filled with challenging messages, awesome worship, crazy games and activities! By the way, did I mention that it is in San Diego at the Beach? It is.

Check out this video to get a small glimpse of what you can expect at a week of camp!

What does your family do to celebrate Easter?

Sorry for the time away. We were experiencing technical difficulties, but now we are back and better than ever!

Are you a fan or a follower? A friend passed this on to me, is a great message. It is worth the time 38 min. Parents...are you raising fans or followers?

You can click here to watch the video. Fan or Follower?

Parents, do you know what sexting is? I bet you kid does! Watch this video to find out how serious a problem it really is...

Have you ever experienced a spiritual revelation?

So, here is the latest top ten list provided by you!

What are the top 10 things you love to do in the summer?

We have an enemy whose goal is to destroy our ability to see ourselves the way God sees us.

Look in the mirror long enough, and it’s easy to pick apart the things you see. It starts with your looks, moves to your abilities, then your worth, your purpose, and before long it’s hard to know why anyone even gives you the time of day. The condemning voices certainly are convincing voices. But they aren’t God’s. God calls Gideon—an unassuming, and formerly nameless Jewish boy—a “mighty warrior”. And God calls us—just as unassuming, and sometimes nameless—His. Imagine if students left middle school and high school believing that. Imagine if we, as adults, started living like we knew that. Do we let the Enemy’s voice skew our thoughts and twist our value? Or do we trust God’s freeing declaration that in Him, we are enough? We are worthy? We are accepted? Then what would it take to start acting like it?

We have an enemy whose goal is to destroy our ability to see ourselves the way God sees us.

Look in the mirror long enough, and it’s easy to pick apart the things you see. It starts with your looks, moves to your abilities, then your worth, your purpose, and before long it’s hard to know why anyone even gives you the time of day. The condemning voices certainly are convincing voices. But they aren’t God’s. God calls Gideon—an unassuming, and formerly nameless Jewish boy—a “mighty warrior”. And God calls us—just as unassuming, and sometimes nameless—His. Imagine if students left middle school and high school believing that. Imagine if we, as adults, started living like we knew that. Do we let the Enemy’s voice skew our thoughts and twist our value? Or do we trust God’s freeing declaration that in Him, we are enough? We are worthy? We are accepted? Then what would it take to start acting like it?

(Before reading this devotional, re-read Luke 15:11-32.)

Have you ever arrived somewhere and thought, “How in the world did I get here?” Maybe you zoned out one day and walked from lunch to your next class with no recollection of what happened in between. Or maybe it happened in some bigger stuff.

Maybe you felt that way at the checkout line when you handed over the credit card or the cash to buy another pair of jeans, another video game, another thing to satisfy your appetite for more. Or maybe you felt that way when you lied to your parents for the umpteenth time about where you were going and what you were going to do when you got there. Maybe you felt that way one night when you found yourself, again, on the web site you know you shouldn’t be looking at, but the urge to go there felt uncontrollable. Regardless of how, we end up in these places saying, “How in the world did I get here?”

I read this Chinese proverb recently that said, “If we don’t change the direction we are headed, we will end up where we are going.” When I first saw it, I thought, yeah, no kidding, not exactly profound. But it got stuck in my head. And it resurfaced again and again over the course of the next few days. And suddenly it seemed a lot more profound than I first thought. Because sometimes we live like that isn’t true. Sometimes we hear a voice that tells us differently, and sometimes we listen to it. Sometimes, knowingly or unknowingly, we start out in a direction and we truly believe that the outcome will not reflect the choices we are making.

When we first overspend and overindulge do we actually believe the things we own will end up owning us? When we first lie to our parents, do we honestly think it will become a habit? When we first go to the inappropriate web site, do we truly feel it will turn into an addiction? Or do we listen instead to the voice that lured us there in the first place? That if we don’t do these things, we are missing out, that there is something available to us that looks far better than our current circumstances. And as poor, as unwise, or as flat out stupid as our current choices may appear, we think that when we arrive at our destination it will be totally different. Do you think it ever really turns out that way? Ask the younger son.

“If we don’t change the direction we are headed, we will end up where we are going.” True. But do you know what might be even more true? If we keep listening to the voice of the Enemy, we will end up nowhere near where he has promised to take us. Our poor choices, influenced by a misguided voice, will lead to a poor destination. So the younger son ends up in a pigpen. And you and I end up imprisoned by our bad decisions. An addict. A slave. A liar. And we ask ourselves, how did I get here? By thinking that the voices we listened to were true, by thinking that the choices we were making were going to get us some place different than where we arrived. We end up confused, overwhelmed and possibly defeated.

Maybe one of the best things we can do in learning to overcome the Enemy is begin to work backwards. Where do you want to be? Where do you want to end up? What dream do you have for your future—a year from now? Five years from now? Ten years from now as a full-fledged adult? And then determine if the voice you are listening to is going to get you there. If you keep going the way you are headed, will you arrive where you want to, or come to your senses in the pigpen?

No one wants to wake up one morning asking, “How did I get here?” with the realization that we have a lot of cleaning up and a lot of making up to do. The younger brother had a long walk home to his father. He had a lot of backtracking to do. A lot of time to think through all of the things that had gotten him to where he was. And he ended up right where he started. Back on the farm. But this time with no cash, no inheritance and some hard-learned lessons under his belt.

So what can you do to make sure you don’t have to make the long walk back to the farm? What can you do to start quieting the Enemy’s voice today, so you don’t end up in the pigpen tomorrow? What can you do now to ensure that the direction you are headed in will get you to where you want to go?

Questions:
• Have you ever asked yourself, “How did I get here?” What were the circumstances? Have you ever heard anyone else ask this? Was it obvious to you, from the outside how they got where they were?

• What do you think was going through the younger son’s head as he was walked back to the farm? If you were in his position, what would be going through your head?

• Evaluate different areas of your life: friendships, relationships with your parents, studies, sports, relationship with God. Based on the Chinese proverb, “If we don’t change the direction we are headed, we will end up where we are going,” where are you going in these areas?

For a long time when I heard the word “Satan” or “devil,” I had a very grade-B horror movie image come to mind. Isn’t that typically how we imagine this Prince of Darkness? Hard to take seriously, tough to see as a real threat, someone you are more inclined to see as a bunch of smoke and mirrors, an illusion that may have been scary at one point, but is much less believable in the 21st century? It can be challenging to give serious consideration to the idea of a red man with pointy ears ruling a sulfurous and fiery cavern under the earth.

So let’s not. Scratch that picture. Those pictures don’t make for good movies, and they don’t make for good reality either. Consider this instead. What if the Enemy, what if Satan was much more like the really scary movies, the ones that make you sleep with the light on? What if you threw out the idea of ghosts and goblins and opted instead for a picture much more realistic, but much more threatening, much more intentional?

You can thank a guy named Dante who wrote The Divine Comedy for coming up with the modern picture/image we have of the devil. The Bible itself doesn’t have much to say when it comes to the appearance of the Enemy, but he shows up in Scripture at the beginning, the very beginning, in Genesis. Are you familiar with the tree, the fruit, the snake and the bite that changed it all? And while that may mark one of his longer cameos on the pages of Scripture, his story doesn’t end there.

We learn lots about him simply by reading what other people say about him. His name itself is quite telling. Satan means “accuser”. If he has one objective, it is to accuse you, to accuse me and to accuse God. The apostle Peter refers to the devil as a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour.

Jesus had some strong words to describe the Enemy and those who listen to his voice: “He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies. Yet because I tell the truth, you do not believe me!” (John 8:44-45 NIV).

In the Bible, there’s not one mention of a tail. Not one reference to a pointy goatee and eyebrows. Interesting. It is easy not to take that storybook image seriously, but much harder to dismiss the idea of someone out there is has made me his target, who’s objective is to deceive me, accuse me and destroy me.

C.S. Lewis, one of Christianity’s greatest modern thinkers said this, "There are two equal and opposite errors into which our race can fall about the devils. One is to disbelieve in their existence. The other is to believe, and to feel an excessive and unhealthy interest in them.” I think that for far too long we have let the image of Halloween costumes with red plastic masks and rounded off pitchforks define the image we have of Satan. We dismiss him as childish, outdated and no longer relevant. We start to, as Lewis suggests, disbelieve.

And this can be dangerous. We’ve all seen the movies where the telling music, the darkened rooms, and the oblivious soon-to-be victim falls prey to the manipulative and strategic moves of the villain. The longer we act like there is no Enemy, there is no threat, there is nothing to be concerned about, the more prone we are to be caught-off guard, to be lured unknowingly into Satan’s traps.

In 6th century BC a Chinese treatise was written called The Art of War. It is considered to be one of the oldest books on military strategy, and one of the more famous quotes it is credited with is, “know your enemy”. I think the proverb could apply to us as well. We need to know our Enemy. We first need to be willing to acknowledge he exists. Then we need to learn how he works. What are his tactics? What is he known for doing? What has he done in the past, and how is that a predictor for how he will act in the future? Where are you vulnerable? Where do you need protection? How well do you know the Enemy? It may be that you need to take another look, and live a little bit more alert of his workings and his intentions.

We need to be motivated in finding the balance between the two errors Lewis refers to—to disbelieve, and to over credit. We can’t walk around like there is a boogey man around every corner, but neither can we live clueless to the Enemy’s goal for our lives. It is a delicate balance, but it is something we need to care enough about to find, otherwise we lose. Too little attention to the Enemy makes us more susceptible to his plans for us, too much attention and we live more focused on him than on Christ, distracted from the purpose God has for us. The idea is to learn to live aware of a real and dangerous Enemy, but not to live in fear. To live with Satan’s objective in mind, but not to live paralyzed. To live with an understanding of the spiritual realm at work around us, but not to live dominated by the drama. Live like you know your Enemy.


Questions:
• What kind of picture comes to your mind when you hear the word “Satan”?

• Do you take that representation of him seriously? Why or why not?

• When you start to view the Enemy the way Scripture describes him (for example, John 8:43-45 and 1 Peter 5:8), how does that change the way you perceive him?

• How would “knowing your Enemy” change the way you live in light of the existence of Satan?

We have an Enemy whose goal is to destroy our trust in God.

Most of us can recall a time when the Enemy’s voice lured us into a temptation that appeared too good to resist. On the other side, we see the error of our ways, but at the time, the whispers seemed impossible to ignore. The lies and the deception we are so quick to believe often have to do with the character of God. Is He holding out on me? Does He want me to be miserable? Are all of these rules keeping me from being truly happy? And the Enemy steadily and stealthily whispers, “Yes.” Our battle with the Enemy comes down to this one thing—whose voice do we trust? Are we willing to surrender a sense of wonder in our big God for the voice of empty promises coming from the one who is set on our destruction? In our own lives, whose voice do we allow to get the last word?

It’s no secret that middle school and high school students are dealing with identity issues.
They want to know who they are, why they matter and where they fit in. The trouble is that while their natural self-awareness is heightened, comments that are intended for discipline and correction are easily interpreted as personal character attacks.

Maybe this sounds familiar? You are frustrated because your son brought home a progress report showing multiple homework zeros. You try to correct him, but he gets defensive and starts telling you that he’s sorry he’s not smart enough for you or sorry you think he’s such a worthless son. Maybe nothing so dramatic has happened in your house, but that doesn’t mean the potential isn’t there—it may be just under the surface.

Discipline and correction are an important part of parenting, and they sometimes seem almost impossible with a teenage son or daughter. But don’t give up. Your child needs you to be involved and alert to what is happening in his or her life, and actively correcting behaviors that could lead your child to places he or she doesn’t want to be. However, the language you use when correcting him or her can make a big difference.

Because we are human, we are wired to react to our children out of frustration when we see them making choices that are inconsiderate, lacking in self-control or potentially self-destructive. When we respond this way, we often make “you are” statements: You are so lazy. You are so selfish. Or we will make broad sweeping “you never” and “you always” statements. What we really intend as correction ends up sounding a whole lot more like an attack on the value and worth of our child.

Understand, we all do it. It’s just a natural reaction to the frustration and hurt we feel as we navigate the tumultuous waters of adolescence with them. But there are better words for us to choose.

This month, try to be especially alert to the words that you use when correcting your son or daughter. You may need to allow yourself time to step back from a particular situation before you enter into a correctional conversation. That’s okay. You can let your child know you are going to discuss it after dinner, or tomorrow when you come to pick them up from school. Then when you do have the conversation, try to use specific language to address the behavior that you want to correct. You can think of it as using “You are doing” statements. Words that let them know that while what they have chosen to do or say in this particular instance is not okay, that doesn’t affect who they are, how you love them and whether you believe the best about them.

When you are intentional about the words you use when you discipline, you can have a positive impact on your son or daughter’s self-image and also help them make wiser choices.

This is going to sound weird, but every one of us hears voices in our heads. It’s the voices that say, “Life would be easier if only I could or had . . . ” It’s the voices that whisper when we look in the mirror or compare ourselves to someone else. These voices are trying to lead each one of us somewhere, but is it somewhere we really want to go? Or is there a better voice to follow? Yes, there is a voice that has our best in mind. A voice that knew us before we uttered our first cry. A voice that is designed not to bring out the worst in us, but the best.