Showing posts with label Tim Walker. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Tim Walker. Show all posts

Family Experience: Create a Rhythm

Family Experience: Create a Rhythm
A Better Story
By Tim Walker

I’ve been reading a book called A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. It’s by one of my favorite writers, Donald Miller. I like it, but this is not a review or a recommendation. I only mention this to make sure you realize that what I am about to say is not my original idea. It’s from the book. In fact, what I am about to say pretty much sums up the theme of the book. The theme is story.

In the book, Miller talks about this concept of story and how we are all living a story. He talks about how his life had gotten mundane, and how even when opportunities to live a different story and improve his own came up, he would often let them pass by. Then one day, he felt like God was telling him to search for his dad, whom he hadn’t seen in years. And this time, instead of ignoring the prospect, he decided to do something about it. He actually tracked his dad down and had an awkward, but good encounter. Following that, he had the opportunity to go to Peru and hike the mountains. And he did it. Then he took a bike ride across the country. He decided to start eating better and exercising more, not for the sake of vanity, but because those were the things he needed to do in order to accomplish the things he wanted to do. He began to realize if he wanted his story to turn out differently, he would have to make intentional changes.

It may seem that Miller, who is in his mid-thirties, is merely taking care of himself or increasing his self-discipline. It’s the kind of thing you hear from someone who publishes one of those diet books or writes a self-help book or shares their story on Oprah. If Don were a little bit older, say my age at 41, some people might even say he’s simply having a midlife crisis.

But there was something more going on there. And after having read Don’s book, there’s something about this idea of story that I can’t seem to shake. I don’t know about you, but my life is, well, routine. Predictable. Maybe even a little monotonous. There are things that I “do” and “don’t do.” For example, every Thursday night I watch “my shows.” I eat the same cereal every morning. I go to bed at the same time every night and get up at the same time every morning. And there are times when I feel like I’ve created some really deep ruts in my life. You know what ruts are, don’t you? Well-worn paths, almost like ditches that you get stuck in. And occasionally, when I allow myself to really think about it, there are times when I feel like my comfort, my desires and my expectations have motivated me to settle for a lesser, smaller story. And the result or lack of result shows up in my everyday life.

It shows up in the ways I interact with my wife. It shows up in the ways I interact with my kids. I’m willing to just live out a very small, very boring story because it all feels very safe just the way it is. And before I know it, the hours and the days seem to fly by. The time between when I get home from work and when I go to bed always seems like a blur. Today feels like yesterday, which feels like the day before, which feels like the day before that.

But what if you and I could be a part of something bigger? What if, instead of letting our stories solely be about who needs to go where and when, what’s for dinner or is my shirt clean, we lived our lives with the intent of becoming part of God’s story? A story that may involve drama, action, tears, even tension.

What if, when we have a little extra cash—a rare thing these days, I know—we don't try to figure out how to make our lives more comfortable, but instead look for a way to use that money and, as a family, work together to make someone else’s life a little better?

What if we reach out to someone who doesn't have a family of his or her own? What if we have that person over for dinner once or twice a month?

What if I find ways to show my sons that life is less about them and more about being a part of what God is doing in the world? What if I give them experiences to help them live out the truths from the Bible?

If I do those things, I would begin to live out the story I want both for my family and for me. I would be making the story I want my boys to be a part of a reality instead of just hoping they arrive someplace “good” someday—as adult children who love God and love others. My life would have more intent, more purpose.


And working towards participating in this kind of story begins with one thing, one action, one step. I don’t need a life makeover. I just need to make some different choices—some choices that reflect the kind of story I want to be a part of. I need to actually do some things instead of just thinking about them. What is one thing in my life that I can change to make my story more interesting, more significant? It may not be hiking in Peru or biking across the country, it may a lot less complicated and start a lot closer to home. But the improvement to my story does have to start somewhere. And right now, it starts here.

I know this isn’t going to be easy. I also know that I may not do this very well. I may have this on my to-do list for a while before I actually do something. But I also know that time is passing by way too quickly, and as much as I hate to admit it, days go by without any distinction. There’s nothing memorable about a week or a month or even a year. And that isn’t the kind of story I want to stay in.

What about you?

This Christmas, as we remember a story that is so amazing, so wonderful and so mind-blowing, we are going to challenge your child to think of the story not just as a history, or even a great story, but as something that has meaning and significance to us today. It’s a story that is still going on.

And it’s a story that plays out in your life and mine. We are given the choice to join in the story. We are given the chance to be part of what God is doing.

So today, wrestle with this question: What can I do to be a part of a better story, God’s story? And how can I lead my family to be a part of it as well?

© 2009 The reThink Group, Inc. All rights reserved.

Why I Take my Son to Youth Group!

WHY I TAKE MY SON TO YOUTH GROUP
By Tim Walker

It’s funny how much I knew about parenting before I became one. I had all these absolute statements and strong ideas about what I would and wouldn’t do—usually based on how I felt my parents handled something or based on something I observed around me. “I’ll never let my kids pitch a fit in the store.” “I’ll never tell my kids, ‘Because I said so.’”

I knew so much—until I brought my son home from the hospital. Then I realized how little I knew. And it doesn’t get any better. Each new stage, each year, brings new challenges. Just when I think I have things figured out, some new surprise comes along. Now I look at new dads and have empathy instead of criticism.

I also have a new perspective on how my parents handled things, and realize that while they didn’t handle every situation perfectly, I’m certainly not capable of perfection either. There are too many factors that go into seeing a situation so clearly—my own history, my fears, my mood, plus my wife’s history, mood, and fears.

So at this point in the journey, with a middle school student in my house, I can honestly say I don’t know everything about being a dad. But I do know one thing—I can’t do this alone.

I can sense it every day. I can see my son looking for some other figure in his life, in addition to his dad and mom. I can feel him wanting to be a part of the grown-up world, and have other adults in his life who can connect with him. Cooler adults. Adults who can throw the football better than me. Adults who like the same teams he does.

And as much as I think I can be all that for my son, the reality is I can’t. I need other people. I’m not stepping down from my job. I’m still here as a dad, but I need other people who will pour good things into him. I need other people who will reinforce some of the things I’ve tried to teach him about God, about character, about being a man.

That’s what youth group is for me. It’s that place where my son can connect with other teens, but also other adults. I don’t expect my 20-something student pastor to give me parenting advice. In fact, honestly, I would be a little insulted if he did. When he becomes a parent and has teenagers, then we’ll talk. But the thing the people in that room get that I struggle with is how to connect with my changing son. That’s what they are passionate about. And quite honestly, that’s what they are good at. Whether it’s through playing a silly game or having a time of worship, they are passionately pursuing ways to connect with kids like my son.

That’s why I drop him off at youth group. That’s why I pay the $10 for an outing, or sign the permission form, or become the carpool for his friends. Because I know I can’t do it alone. I also know that I have a role to play here. I’m still dad, but to help my son move to adulthood, I need other adults pouring into him as well.

I don’t have this parenting thing figured out. And I have a feeling it’s a constant learning process. But one thing I do know is that my son needs me, but he also needs more than me. And that’s a good and natural thing. I just need to find a good place where he can find that.

So when he comes home covered in oatmeal after eating it out of a trough as part of some kind of crazy middle school game, I know that oatmeal is more than just something I have to clean up, it’s part of him finding connection to some very good things.