Bottom Line: The regrets of yesterday can be redeemed for tomorrow.

Nothing is more instructive than past regret. We may not always know what we should do, but we don’t want to do—whatever we did—again. We feel miserable. It is hard to imagine feeling anything but miserable. But would you believe that it is possible to not only quit being that way, but to actually take the remorse from the past and use it as a tool to better your future? Do you believe that even your greatest regret can be redeemed, that your biggest mistake offers promise to your life and the lives of others? Living a life of regret does not have to be the end of the story.

Scripture:
“Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life” (1 Timothy 1:15-16 NIV).

Bottom Line Week 2: Freedom begins when we name our regrets.

Are you haunted? No, we’re not talking Hollywood B-movie, ghosts around the corner haunted. Are you haunted by the regrets of your past? Do the things you should have done or not done seem to show up where you least expect them? The first step to moving away from the ghosts of our past choices is to name our regrets—to dig down deep beyond our individual choices and discover “why.” What were our real motives? What was really causing us sorrow? Who have we hurt? Part of the process of working through our mistakes is learning to put words to our regret.

Scripture for this weeks lesson:
2 Samuel 11-12:10
Psalm 51:1-9

Bottom Line: Yesterday’s regrets affect today.
Scripture References: Genesis 37:32-33; 42:21

Our past can make us laugh and it can make us cry. Almost nothing has the power to disrupt our present like past regret. As we begin this series on regret, we want students to begin to think about regret in a conceptual way. What is it? How does it affect our lives? How do we tend to respond to it?


You may want to also challenge your students to read the story of Joseph. Many of them may have never read the story for themselves and it’s a great story for students who may be timid with Bible reading. Joseph’s entire story can be found in Genesis 37-50.

The older I get, the more my list of “if onlys” grows. I turn 40 this year, and there are all kinds of situations I wish I’d handled differently. There are choices I wish I’d made another way. There are conversations I wish I would or wouldn’t have had. There are some relationships that I wish I would have pursued more and others I wish I had avoided. There are things I wish I would have tried and others I wish I hadn’t.

But most of my regrets come in the area of parenting. There are so many times I walk away from a situation and think, “I wish I would have handled that differently.” And because of my perfectionist nature, I start thinking about what a bad dad I am and how much better other parents are. Why can’t I be like them? Why can’t I handle everything well?

The reality is that there is so much emotion mixed up with parenting, isn’t there? The stakes seem so high. I want to make sure my three boys navigate their way through life with less scars and fewer regrets than their dad. And when it comes to disciplining their behavior, it feels like I have to “nip it in the bud” because I’m always thinking about the worst-case scenario.

Just the other day, my oldest son was lying around playing video games. His room was a mess, and the trashcan in the kitchen needed to be emptied. And in my head, I didn’t think, “Help him learn the consequences of these decisions.” Instead, I thought, “Oh my gosh, if I don’t do something about this now, this kid is going to be a total slacker who can’t take care of himself. He’ll be living in my basement when he’s 40!” I know, it’s a little extreme. Like I said, the stakes are high and I want him to succeed in life. The problem is, I don’t always go about helping him do that in the best way, and I regret it later.

I want to be better at being a dad. I want to help my sons grow up into men of character. The reality I have come to terms with—because it stares me in the face every day—is that I’m not going to get this right every time. As a parent, I’m going to mess up. I’m going to handle things poorly sometimes. Hopefully those will be the times my kids look back on and make fun of me, and not the ones they bring up in a therapy session.

But for me, I can’t just stop at naming my regret. So when I overreact to something stupid, or don’t address something I should have, I try to learn from the “if only” moments. I try to make a different choice the next time something happens. I try to take a step back and look at the actual situation instead of the one I fear.

Now, I know I’ll mess up again. I probably will have a repeat of this “if only” just because I’m a slow learner. But hopefully at some point, the “If onlys” will start to decrease. I’m never going to get it right all of the time, but hopefully I’ll start getting it right most of the time. I’ll always have regrets—it’s just how I’m wired. But when it comes to my kids, I want to have the “if onlys” less and just enjoy the process, even when I’m not at my best.

What’s your “if only”? Every one of us has one, two or a hundred different scenarios in which we would do or say something differently. That e-mail we wish we wouldn’t have sent. That relationship that we should have avoided—or never began. We all have things we would do differently if given the chance. So if life inevitably brings “if only” moments, how do we handle the regrets that haunt us? How can we keep the mistakes we made yesterday from messing up today and tomorrow?

So, what is one of your "if only" moments?